i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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