"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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