Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

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(646): View more from New York

I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.

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(208): View more from Idaho

She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

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(305): View more from Florida

i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.

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(214): View more from Texas

Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?

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(705): View more from Ontario

I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out

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(613): View more from Ontario

I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."

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(561): View more from Florida

I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH

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(815): View more from Illinois

I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.

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