This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so let's talk penis.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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