So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I will be naked everywhere
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
