someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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