Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
