we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
