I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
