I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just cut my nipple shaving
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
