dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
