if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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