I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
