I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
