I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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