I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
