I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
