Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
