I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to make a zoo with you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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