You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
