One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
