Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
