i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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