areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the day after is always just damage control
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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