nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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