is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
