I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
