...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
