i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
