hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
