My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
