I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
