Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
