I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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