3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
