I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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