she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
