it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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