somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
