I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
