Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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