3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
