all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
