i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
