Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
