Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
