forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
