Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
