Me. At least after what I've been through.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
