Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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