Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
