she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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