No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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