I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
